Emotions

I’m learning to be more aware of synchronicities in my life and hold onto the awareness as it sometimes helps me see more clearly the how and why of things that are happening in my life. This weekend feels like one of those moments and the synchronicity of it did not occur to me until two days later.

On Sunday, September 3rd, my 10-year-old daughter was having a particularly tough day – long days at home doing nothing tend to bring out her tween emotions. She hasn’t had a difficult day like this since the beginning of Summer and we’ve worked really hard with intentional time together and therapy to get to a better place. So, this day caught me off guard in an otherwise fun 4-day holiday weekend! I put a pause on what I was doing, we diverted to watching a movie together –side note, I STILL love Disney’s Descendants! – and the mood was soon lifted for the day.

I guess none of this sounds particularly unusual for a tween girl. Although I’ve talked to some parents and realized I seem to have an extra emotional child. Anyone else? You want to talk about a part of parenthood I wasn’t prepared for. Why? I had a mother who was very emotional, and I couldn’t STAND it. I recall talking to my dad about it around the age 10-12 asking why does Mom cry so much over the simplest thing. I still don’t like dealing with or talking about emotions, I’m very much a soldier-on-and-keep-doing-what-needs-to-be-done personality. And yes, I absolutely see the human flaw here, but I am who I am and I’m a work in progress. But if there is a crisis and you need someone levelheaded to guide you through – I’m your girl!

So, the synchronicities and subsequent thoughts I’ve had?

My emotional mother passed away two years ago after a 29-year battle with Parkinson’s Disease. My emotional tween daughter (who shares a name with my Mother) has an emotional, hard day, ON my Mother’s Birthday – and it was almost like a gentle reminder to think of her. My kneejerk reaction to both my mother’s and my daughter’s emotions is oddly the same – aversion. What I want to say is – you’re ok, whatever is going on its ok, now go play in your room, or find something to do. It is WORK for me to lean into emotions and be present and just be with her. I laugh as I think how life works out that I, disliker of emotions, has an extremely emotional child who forces me to grow in this area of myself that I’m most resistant.

It feels like my mother is doing this in her afterlife to force me to face my emotions that I avoided for so long. One last lesson from Mom. To both learn and teach coping skills to my daughter so that she can live with a healthier relationship with her emotions. Happy Birthday in heaven, Mom.

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